Ups and Downs

Ah, gloomy gloomy day it is today. Somehow, on the day I am slightly emo, it will always be a great weather out there, i.e. gloomy dark skies, nice cool winds, the perfect weather for relaxing, or emo. Yeah, today wasn't the best day of my life at all.

Well, 3 major things happened, 2 of which does not contribute to my emotions, and 1 which is the reason why I'm emo.

1. The story of a loss girl.
I met this girl in Form 4 when I was still studying in SMK Sultan Abdul Samad, PJ. Lets refer to her as M. When I met her, she was very timid, some sort of an anti-social girl, but at the same time, she was very expressive of herself. When around her closest friends, she can be the nicest, sweetest girl you have ever seen. Of course, around the not-so-close friends(the me back then) then she won't be as expressive, and most of the time kept quiet. I remember I always disturb her, but instead of the insulting way, I praise her, like she's some goddess or something lol. I still remember calling her pumpkin because she's sweet, soft and she likes orange. In short, she really can be considered "The Nicest Girl". Of course, as we spent more time together as a gang, she got used to me, and became less responsive when I disturb her in more...close friend way? Lol! Last time if I accidentally held her hand also she would react as if she's getting sexually assaulted...I can see the very clear signs so I normally try not to do anything to extreme. But now, she's all grown up! The naive and extremely nice girl is an old old story. Of course I'm not mentioning about how she can now become immune to touching of arms, but her personality generally. She is now able to express herself very well, laugh like a maniac, or shed tears that can kill anyone's heart(its very saddening). But one thing that is changing the most, is her attitude. She was able to preserve the overall niceness(like kindness and those stuffs) of herself, but she has developed a very short temper. Of course, I don't blame her at all. She was forced to be like this. The first half year of her life in college is like a fairy tale. Everything is so perfect. She even met the perfect man(perfect at that time). But one day, she was down, and that same man was the wrong person at the wrong time, and so M blurted out heart-piercing words which were solely due to her sorrows. I guess that man couldn't understand that when a girl is hurt, she may say things she don't even know what she's saying. But that's it, from that day onwards, it was a life in hell for poor M. All her friends think its her fault that the relationship did not work. They keep pushing her to make it up to him. But what else can M do? She did so much for him. Besides the death of her grandpa, this is the time that she had cried so much. I was there on one of the days, where she couldn't hold it in anymore and shed her tears. I felt like crying too, but I figured, if I cry too I might not be able to try to cheer her up. Thankfully, I found the opportunity to crack a joke and she laughed once in the while 2 hours phone conversation. That laugh, reminded me about the old M. The M i miss so much, the M that I think even she wants back. To me, all the flaws of the old M has, shouldn't even be considered a flaw. Yes, she was quite perfect back then. Now, the drama is still going on, but at least I know, M's best friend, M2, are there for her now(previously wasn't able to do that because she is very hectic with her own life. No its not watching tv type of busy but the really really rushing projects and stuff one...she was there when she cried, but couldn't always be there...I hope you all understand). Now M2 is slightly more free, so hopefully she is able to guide M to a righteous path. :).

2. The story of the bleeding boy.
I also met this dude in form 4, lets call him Z. Oh man lets just say he is a very good companion of mine. His way of making alot of people laugh, annoyance. Haha! Yes I picked up all my annoying skills from him. He's the best at it. Until now I couldn't be brave enough to do half the things he did. Of course, even though he is very annoying, its amazingly surprising that the girls that he annoyed doesn't mind it at all. Maybe they just treat him like a smaller brother since he does act like one. Needless to say, boys with raging hormones will like alot of people, and at one point, we even liked the same girl(I didn't change, but he moved on LOL). At the mid of form 5, he realised he likes a girl, lets call her C. Being an insecure and timid girl, C was quite reluctant to accept Z, but at the same time, C does not have a reason to reject Z. C was fairly neutral for Z. So it comes to the magical prom night(which i sadly attended alone...). C agreed to be Z's date, and Z did not disappoint! He looked absolutely great that night and so does everyone who attended the prom. Although no dancing(except the weird last minute disco dancing), I can tell they had a great time. Though, being the usual insecure C, she was always with her other friends, but being the very nice Z, he didn't complain even 1 bit. After the prom is over, C's best friend decided its a great idea to go to Gohtong Jaya, half way to genting, just for nice air, scenery, and MAMAK?! ZZZ! LOL! I had teh-o-limau ais i remember that. But despite the lameness of mamak after prom, while dressed to kill, it was at that moment too that C officially accepted Z. You can imagine how happy Z would have felt. Of course, starting a relationship at that time could not be any better. The holidays, they did something together. We even went to Pahang as a gang, and C's birthday was celebrated together too. However, the Z at that time was a very restricted boy. His parents are strict about his freedom, and at many times, disappointed C when C expected him to be there. So, roughly 3 months later, C officially breaks up with Z. Z moves on with his life, got a new girlfriend, but it didn't work out. Because Z realised, he did not want to waste the girl's time, because his heart does not belong to her, it was still stolen by C. Sighs. Z wanted to invite C to another prom this year, but was rejected by C a few days after. C did much consideration, I guess Z is just not C's type.

3. The story of a guilty man
Hi, this is me. Its my story, and congratulations for successfully survived the long long story of part 1 and 2. Lol. Well, the story begun six days ago. I saw a reply on my class blog, by a girl named carmen. She's funny so I replied there. And soon after I was able to get a hold onto her blog, her AIM, her facebook, and finally her friendster. The first three days I knew her, it was crazily awesome! I actually thanked god because He blessed me with someone that has so much click with me. At that time I felt that I could talk about anything with her, seriously we talked all over the World Wide Web! From 4 different blogs, 1 facebook account and 1 friendster account, to the crazy finger numbing AIM, it was the best 3 days that I never had for a very, very long time. We practically talked about everything and anything that can be talked about, from insulting people to random crapping. Woah, this girl is amazing, I said to myself. I was also very amazed by her instant replying speed(WHICH IS WHAT INSTANT MESSAGING IS FOR PEOPLE!), and that one day(the 2nd day) where she said hi to me first! Never, I repeat, NEVER, had any girls, or guys, who did that to me before. She made me laugh so much, but the part I love most talking to her is, she keep on laughing at my jokes. To be able to instill laughter to another person, is better than ending world hunger. It kinda makes me feel happy you know, seeing other people sharing a laugh with me :D! Yeah....those were the days. But when it comes to the 4th day, our friendship starts to rock a little bit. Thanks to my beloved and entrusted kononnya close friends, who keep teasing me with her, an invisible field of awkwardness begin to form in between us. Of course, this awkwardness is only existent when we meet each other in real life, but wouldn't it be sad if one day I tell you "she's my best friend only online..." lol. But its ok, they're just being them, I don't really mind. After all, my heart is to one person and one person only, and as long as I know I'm true to her, I don't care even if they tease me with Anne Hathaway! Because I believe "pure gold is not afraid of red hot flames" XD! But it is the 5th day, that marked the downfall of our friendship. I did something, that at that moment, seemed like something very light, just a joke in fact, to me, but later on realised a mere joke to me might be something severe to another person. That night was so painful to me. She said she forgive me, but I dunno. The words she use pierce through my heart and grinds my soul. Worst of all they are all true! She keeps saying its ok, but my sixth sense tell me, she was still hurt. She hates betrayal, and I know how pain it is to be betrayed by a friend too. Why have I done it? I asked myself that that same night, but I couldn't answer it. All I can do is lie on my bed, feeling guilty. The next day, I chat with her again. She appeared normal again. I dunno if its real or fake, but I realised, I should be myself again if I want to fix this friendship. But no matter how she reacted normally and how I acted normally, somehow, I felt something's changed. She could be replying slower due to a more busy schedule? Or even because Alex makes more funny jokes than I do. I dunno...for me...I just want to idle myself for awhile. Perhaps the day I can finally lift my guilt and be 100% normal again to her, is the day she say hi to me first....

So there you have it. The 3 stories around Seng's life. Until the next time...

flames to dust,

lovers to friends,

why do all good things come to an end?

Best ceramah ever - Sure 100 marks in BM XD

sebelum akhirnya ceramah saya pada pagi ini, biarlah saya melafazkan satu puisi untuk nikmat sekalian

memasak buah nangka sebiji,
datang sekampung orang sebijak,
kalau ketiak baunya terjijik,
mandilah kawanku sambil berberak

sekian, terima kasih.

Temporarily No Posts!

Until exams is over...which may take 60 days? Until then, keep smiling everyone!