Sam beng wan sui sam yok yi

Lols! To all those who can speak cantonese or mandarin, and watches alot of TVB dramas, they would understand my title XD! Haha! Translated, it means the sickness arisen from the heart can only be cured by the heart itself XD! Meaning, if you have emotional discomfort, the only way to soothe the pain is by overcoming your problems or the emotions itself. Easier said than done right? Absolutely true! Besides learning, controlling emotions is also a life-long process for each and everyone of us. If you're good at controlling your emotions, it's good. Sadly, the majority of us doesn't have that ability and hence the young people these days are entering a realm of gloominess and sorrows. Christians believe in the 7 deadly sins, which are "Lust", "Gluttony", "Greed", "Sloth", "Wrath", "Envy", and "Pride". To be honest, I think everyone has these 7 deadly sins in us, and no matter how hard we try to improve ourselves by distancing ourselves from these sins, we just couldn't fully remove them from our life. If you think about it, most of the time we suffer negative emotions based on these 7 sins. For example, Girl A feels super angry at her bf as her bf is talking with his ex. That scenario is based on the envy sin. I'm sure without further examples, one can relate their negative emotions to at least one of the above sins.

Of course, not all the time we will feel negative emotions due to these sins. There can be many other factors too. One of the most obvious example will be guilt. Guilt is a very powerful emotion that makes every human humane. It is what's that keeping us on the right track if we have done something morally wrong. It is also something that will tell us to do something, or not do something, sometimes even before the thing happened. However, as good as guilt sounds, it may also sometimes just be poor pain in the ass. Like lets say if I broke a vase. I know my parents had forgiven me, and I know they truly mean it when they forgive me, yet I'm feeling unnecessary guilt, guilt that will only make me feel bad for the rest of the day without any beneficial traits at all. I know, when we feel guilty after doing something, we would naturally prevent ourselves from doing it again. But how often does that work, seriously? I can tell guilt doesn't really help when the temptation to do your "mistake" again is too strong. So after blabbering so much, I just want to say, sometimes we SHOULD just think positive and let the feelings pass us by. Because sometimes what you're feeling may just be an unnecessary feeling, and other times feeling like that doesn't benefit anybody in any ways. So stay positive instead. At least when you are happy, others will be happy too, and that IS beneficial to everybody.

Before I end, just a short note to my friend. Learn to say no, please don't give yourself excuses such as inexperienceness, natural biological responses and things like that. I know you can be logical and analytical, use it. Always control your feelings. Don't do something you know you won't feel nice about after doing it. After all, you have the power to make the choice, and every choice you make is irreversibly important to everyone.

Oh and if anyone wondered what does my title has anything to do with this post, it doesnt. Cuz I decided not to post wat i initially wanted to hahaha! nitez...it will be long before my next update

SPM hard? Pre-U gila babi tough? Wait til u enter uni!

roar... to people out there who thinks your life now is crazy, you know, handling 10-12 topics for SPM, or even the demanding life of A-levels, SAM, ICPU, CIMP, Ausmat, and so on, wow you'd be surprised that uni can be much tougher than that! Not only the syllabus is becoming madly hard, the deadlines and amount of assignments given is also hardly mad! So many deadlines wei just yesterday night I slept at 4AM to rush my report, and guess what? The next day, more more assignments and homework FOR THE WIN! XD! ahh... people say uni life is enjoy, i don't find it enjoyable at all. I miss my holiday that I never had.

Silence is deafening

If I ask you a question now, would you prefer silence or lots of noise, what will your answer be? Well, I never had the choice. Today ever since I woke up at 9am until now, it has been nothing but silence to me. Family, all out and doing their thing, friends same too. I smsed 1 or 2 fellas, no replies, so I gave up. At times like this, I really do hate silence. It makes me feel like I'm suddenly all alone. Loneliness is not a nice feeling. Of course, if you have a whole bunch of friends and family that hangs around you alot, making the environment you're in consistently noisy, that doesn't mean you won't be lonely either. Because among that huge group of society you're living in, you feel as if you're just standing there, being lost and lonely. Like a drop of oil in a bucket of water, it just doesn't mix. Some say this empty void in your heart that's causing this feeling could only be filled with religious means(if you're Christian, only God's love can fill it and etc.). I don't know about it, so it's up to you to evaluate that point. As for me, I think those gaps can be easily filled if people only show a little bit more of their care and love for others.

I know, I know, best of friends don't need to tell each other they care for each other because it's on a "you're suppose to know that already" basis. But wouldn't everyone like to hear it or feel it once in awhile? Like a couple wedded for many decades, they eventually stop showing love and care in obvious ways, and instead opt for the same basis as I described for best friends. Now it's not that hard to show it once in awhile, is it?

Of course, some do show it subtly, just that the recipient of this loving process couldn't catch the minute showcase of affection. Basically if this happens, all efforts are actually wasted since the recipient didn't even get it. So yes, everyone who is reading this, if you are the recipient, keep your senses more sensitive, and to the subtle lovers, maybe show a little bit more if it doesn't hurt too much.

So am I really lonely? Well if you want a physical answer, I will definitely tell you 100% no. I have an ample amount of friends and family members who show their care to me in many different ways. Hence, by right, I shouldn't feel lonely at all because all I think I'm lacking, I actually have! But that is only if I think using 100% logic. However, as flawed as we are human, I have emotions too. Sometimes, there's can exist a huge difference between knowing something and feeling something. For example, Girl A knows Boy A loves her with all his heart, and will be the most loyal boyfriend any existing female species can ever find. Yet, somehow, when an ex of Boy A suddenly approaches him and they got closer(as in, from total ignorance to somewhat good friends), Girl A will still feel insecure. So yeah, that scenario is real, and I'm sure you guys have more of your own scenarios of how feelings can differ from logical thinking.

Yeah, I'm a lonely person. Though I'm not always like this. There are times some people show me immense amount of care, those moments, I stop feeling lonely. But those moments, as good as they are, are short-lived, and most of the time only leaves me in more pain and loneliness after it stops. Sometimes, I do wish that I could forget about all my past, then my senses will not be blurred anymore by the sufferings from the past. But lets face it, that will never happen, so I'm just trying my best to be optimistic everyday, to enjoy the most out of everyday. This leads to a small amount of mood swing, most of the time I'm ok, and sometimes I'll be like this, lonely and sad.

If you recalled, I mentioned before about my friend whom just broke up with her bf. I think it's a both-party's-fault situation since she mentioned if only she is a better gf, and also how could her bf be so heartless and stuff. Honestly, I cannot judge because I don't know what type of gf she is, but as a friend, she is one of the best ones you can get. I think she deserve better. Secretly I hope the will never patch back up, because based on experience, they are so going to fight and break up again, leaving my friend here broken and sad once more. Don't you just hate it when you see people you care suffer, yet there's really nothing much you could do to help them? For her, what she needed to know, she knows. Now it's just the feeling part that's problematic. I truly believe time is the only thing that can mend a broken heart. So I just hope she'll be as happy as she can be until her heart is fixed.

I am selfish and I get jealous easily, yet this only applies to people I put priority below myself. When I care for someone, I can really go crazy lol. Luckily haven't scare of anyone yet! Maybe I'm just a troubled guy seeking for attention that he never has haha. I think so la. Well I blame the "accurate" horoscopes who say Cancers are easy to hurt and hard to recover type of people XD! See, blame the stars haha. I think I will never find true love, and as much as my emotional side would say "damn...sad", my logical side will tell me "it's for the better". Only I will understand why XD!

I wonder how does love from a couple feels like?