Greater is better?

Sometimes I think to myself, is it really better if we know more things? Everyday is like a class lesson for me. Even a simple outing with my friends can teach me so much things. I can feel these lessons changing me slowly. Sometimes it makes me realise the bad sides of me, and other times it make me realise what great people are living out there in this world. Sighs. Guess I cannot boast about being a nice guy now. I'm NOWHERE as selfless and giving as them(not only material-wise but also....dunno how to put in words...understand la :P)

There is this particular friend I really admire alot. Initially when I know her, she really seemed quite perfect to me, besides the fact that she spends uncontrolably when it comes to desires. But as I got to know her, I slowly see the good and bad side of her, which even until now I haven't fully be able to see through her yet. But one thing's for sure, my admiration for her is growing more and more after each encounter. She can be so selfless when it comes to people that are important to her. But one thing really pains me is to see her suffering so much from her sacrifice of time and money. I see her and I think to myself, this is the person I want to be. I want to truly put my friends before myself. And I will slowly learn that along the way.

But what hurts me most is to see her getting those "moments". I wish they never met actually. As they say, what you don't have, you won't miss. Seeing her getting her occasional emotional breakdown and with me being helpless next to her, that feeling alone is enough to sink my heart into the depths of the sorrow seas. Guess only time can tell what will happen to her. Hope for her best la. Nevertheless, i really admire the positive attributes in her(of course there is negative, nobody's ACTUALLY perfect). Lol. Call me naive but she's still perfect in my eyes(perfect with weaknesses...hmmm...contradicting lol ><)

Which brings me back to the topic. Isn't it great if I just stay as the frog under the well? Like in Form 3, my social life was hell and I know so little about women, men and even the sufferings of people around the world. But it is exactly this under-exposure I faced that has made my mood 100% happy all the time. I still remember in form 3 and before, I almost never go angry or sad. It's like I always smile smile smile and make jokes to make other people laugh so I laugh and feel happy too. Spreading joy to people is a great joy to myself. Seeing the happy look on their faces always lifts my spirit way high up. That time I won't even know how to emo XD!

Well I guess taking up stress is part of growing up. At this stage of life I should be mature enough to face my problems, and not avoid or fantasize about how great it would be if I were a boy again. Still, thinking doesn't hurt right? I like my imagination world. It's something I still possess after so many years. It's damn powerful ok. You can imagine I can play with a brand new un-sharpened pencil(which dunno why after awhile I will doze off even though I'm in some epic battle in my imagination) for like almost 1 year before I finally got bored of it lol. No games can match my imagination ok! Call me weird or childish. I like my brain. Of course, it's much less "playful" now. I tried to pick up a pencil and play with it last year(too bored seriously) but it just doesn't feel nice at all. Sighs. Growing older sucks XD!

You know what? I think knowing more is somewhat better. Since we're going to grow more stressful naturally as we grow older, then why not know more? It wouldn't make much difference if its bad stuffs since we're already bombed with reality but those good stuffs can lift spirits! Like when your friend shares a story with you. I love those moments. It makes you feel, significant. After all, I know I don't bring too much of an impact on anyone's life. I'll grab any chances to provide and offer aid to my friends so that I know if one day I died in an accident, at least my life is not a total waste.

Haha. What about my love life? I dunno la. It stinks I guess. No point liking the impossibles. But come to think of it everyone is impossible for me. I too friendly la! All girls I know sure become good friends not girl friend! Ish! It's a curse and a blessing at the same time! Nevermind... I got GOOD FRIENDS. Should compensate for 10% for my curse/bless XD!

Kla...this post is long enough. Initially want to write this post just to wait for my brother to bathe but write until 2.25am adi. Air cond blowing at me at 22 Celsius when I'm wearing nothing but my underwear. Brrr! I go bathe hot water now LOL! K now. Bye!

P.S. - To the person I admire, I know how you feel when you're moody. After all, that feeling is all I get when I'm "in love" LOL! All I want to say is just try your best to stay happy because I know eventually it will pass. You just have to stand strong on your principles. If you say no, means no. Don't let temporary actions shake your solid stand. Oops! Nobody knows who this is! HAHA! Don't care la. If it can apply to you, apply la :D!