Silence is deafening

If I ask you a question now, would you prefer silence or lots of noise, what will your answer be? Well, I never had the choice. Today ever since I woke up at 9am until now, it has been nothing but silence to me. Family, all out and doing their thing, friends same too. I smsed 1 or 2 fellas, no replies, so I gave up. At times like this, I really do hate silence. It makes me feel like I'm suddenly all alone. Loneliness is not a nice feeling. Of course, if you have a whole bunch of friends and family that hangs around you alot, making the environment you're in consistently noisy, that doesn't mean you won't be lonely either. Because among that huge group of society you're living in, you feel as if you're just standing there, being lost and lonely. Like a drop of oil in a bucket of water, it just doesn't mix. Some say this empty void in your heart that's causing this feeling could only be filled with religious means(if you're Christian, only God's love can fill it and etc.). I don't know about it, so it's up to you to evaluate that point. As for me, I think those gaps can be easily filled if people only show a little bit more of their care and love for others.

I know, I know, best of friends don't need to tell each other they care for each other because it's on a "you're suppose to know that already" basis. But wouldn't everyone like to hear it or feel it once in awhile? Like a couple wedded for many decades, they eventually stop showing love and care in obvious ways, and instead opt for the same basis as I described for best friends. Now it's not that hard to show it once in awhile, is it?

Of course, some do show it subtly, just that the recipient of this loving process couldn't catch the minute showcase of affection. Basically if this happens, all efforts are actually wasted since the recipient didn't even get it. So yes, everyone who is reading this, if you are the recipient, keep your senses more sensitive, and to the subtle lovers, maybe show a little bit more if it doesn't hurt too much.

So am I really lonely? Well if you want a physical answer, I will definitely tell you 100% no. I have an ample amount of friends and family members who show their care to me in many different ways. Hence, by right, I shouldn't feel lonely at all because all I think I'm lacking, I actually have! But that is only if I think using 100% logic. However, as flawed as we are human, I have emotions too. Sometimes, there's can exist a huge difference between knowing something and feeling something. For example, Girl A knows Boy A loves her with all his heart, and will be the most loyal boyfriend any existing female species can ever find. Yet, somehow, when an ex of Boy A suddenly approaches him and they got closer(as in, from total ignorance to somewhat good friends), Girl A will still feel insecure. So yeah, that scenario is real, and I'm sure you guys have more of your own scenarios of how feelings can differ from logical thinking.

Yeah, I'm a lonely person. Though I'm not always like this. There are times some people show me immense amount of care, those moments, I stop feeling lonely. But those moments, as good as they are, are short-lived, and most of the time only leaves me in more pain and loneliness after it stops. Sometimes, I do wish that I could forget about all my past, then my senses will not be blurred anymore by the sufferings from the past. But lets face it, that will never happen, so I'm just trying my best to be optimistic everyday, to enjoy the most out of everyday. This leads to a small amount of mood swing, most of the time I'm ok, and sometimes I'll be like this, lonely and sad.

If you recalled, I mentioned before about my friend whom just broke up with her bf. I think it's a both-party's-fault situation since she mentioned if only she is a better gf, and also how could her bf be so heartless and stuff. Honestly, I cannot judge because I don't know what type of gf she is, but as a friend, she is one of the best ones you can get. I think she deserve better. Secretly I hope the will never patch back up, because based on experience, they are so going to fight and break up again, leaving my friend here broken and sad once more. Don't you just hate it when you see people you care suffer, yet there's really nothing much you could do to help them? For her, what she needed to know, she knows. Now it's just the feeling part that's problematic. I truly believe time is the only thing that can mend a broken heart. So I just hope she'll be as happy as she can be until her heart is fixed.

I am selfish and I get jealous easily, yet this only applies to people I put priority below myself. When I care for someone, I can really go crazy lol. Luckily haven't scare of anyone yet! Maybe I'm just a troubled guy seeking for attention that he never has haha. I think so la. Well I blame the "accurate" horoscopes who say Cancers are easy to hurt and hard to recover type of people XD! See, blame the stars haha. I think I will never find true love, and as much as my emotional side would say "damn...sad", my logical side will tell me "it's for the better". Only I will understand why XD!

I wonder how does love from a couple feels like?