The Chronicles Of Alex : The Lai, The Phone and The Lameness

Once upon a time, there lived a strong, handsome, rich, muscular, smart, caring, world-renowned, superhero, and his name is something that rhymes with sing why. But we are not talking about him today, but instead, we are focusing on a not so greatly-attributed character, named Alex. Alex is nothing good, except for his ability to lame you to death. His lameness is so overwhelmingly lame, Oxford defined lame as Alex(don't believe, check the next edition of Oxford dictionary XD).

Alex has no parents. He burst out from pebbles in the drain besides the streets of Chow Kit Road(maybe he's a very very rare test-tube baby that adapted the pebble as a substitute for a womb....hmmm). Since small, Alex loved his step mum, Munster, very much. Although disowned by both of his step parents, he is still persistent in keeping his mum, since after all it is her who found him on the streets and took him in solely due to love and pitiness. Alex has vowed to repay her by giving 98% of his future monthly pay to her XD!

18 years has past. Alex has grown up physically enough to be entered into Taylor's College. There he was admitted to the holy class of 0801PE4 and was happily accepted as a friend by every member of the class. However, as time pass, Alex becomes more evil and lame. His lameness is becoming so strong, that 3 of PE4's best knights, Joshua Soo, Hwang Ket and Daniel has been brutally slain by his lameness. But before they die, they each laid a curse on Alex. The curse is that Alex will lose one phone for each person he killed with his lameness.

Alex did not believe in their curse, he thought it was just a hoax, but it happens. Alex went for his extra curricular activities and his first phone has magically disappeared! He searched everywhere, up and down, left and right, front and center, but yet it's nowhere to be seen. Thinking, its just me being careless, he foolishly ignored the curse and continue into buying his 2nd phone. He loved his 2nd phone, love it so much, he lost it. "Oh my god", he screamed, as he felt the sudden chill. Could it be the curse was really there?

He stood there, staring at his underwear where there were once a pair of pants which contained his 2nd phone in it too which had magically disappeared. Ignoring the fact that he is being filmed for Youtube greatness, he searched frantically for his phone again(and pants) and once again, no luck. Despite the earlier 2 warnings, he still ignored the signs and this time, he took his friend's phone and made a vow to her that he will keep this phone and will not lose it.

Months go by, and there was no sign of his phone being loss. But one day, the sky is gloomy, and dark clouds appeared from thin air. He felt that same negative aura he felt when he lost his 2 phones and a pair of pants. With his wisdom of a dozen squirrels, he threw his phone into the sewage, while shouting "HAH! I CAN'T LOSE MY PHONE IF I DESTROYED IT! YOU WILL NEVER OUTSMART ME...NEVER!!!". On the same day he lost both his pants and underwear too. It was a Youtube-licious day.

Then, realising he is clearly losing in this war, Alex finally decided to retaliate. He unleashed his lameness to every living being, killing half the world's population, and the surviving ones became retarded after listening to all his lame jokes. However, there was a group of survivors which was either too cool or too hot to be affected by his lameness. They call themselves, "The We're Too Cool Or Hot For Your Lame Jokes Alex". It is in the prophecy that 2 sons of Adam(Ivan and Seng?), and 2 daughters of Eve(not important), will save mankind from the treachery of Alex lameness. They couldn't have appeared any sooner.

Led by these 4 children, together with the help of the great Mr. Lai, they fought with Alex's army of zombies(those retarded humans which was caused by his lameness). However, Mr. Lai was too great of a leader, that Alex had to kill him first if he were to stand a chance to win the war. And so with 99% lameness and 1% tricks, Mr. Lai was forced to be sacrificed on the Lunch Table of Taylor's Overpriced Canteen. And so, the day of the final battle has finally arrived.

Little did Alex know, the two daughters of Eve was following behind Mr. Lai. They cried over his dead body. But even lesser than little did Alex know, if an innocent person is sacrificed on the Lunch Table of Taylor's Overpriced Canteen, the table will be broken and the innocent soul will be revived, because according to strict Health Minister's policy, the lunch table should only be used for eating hygienically prepared food, and not for chopping lecturers. Mr. Lai was revived and brought some friends such as the ice-cool Mr. Lucas, the flame-hot Mrs. Brooke, the genius of genius Mr. Peter and many more.

Back at Asia Cafe, the war between Alex's army and the 2 sons of adam was tight. It was so fearsome, so gruesome, and so violently gory, it was censored by the censorship board before it made it to this story. Alex got Seng cornered on the floor. With his new K550i, and his super cold lame jokes, he pierced his phone into Seng's heart. Seng's vision is slowly fading away, the white light is appearing before his eyes. It was annoying and causing him headache so Alex kindly off the lights. But that did not stop Seng from dying. He can sense the coolness in him leaking out like a flushing toilet. He might still survive, but definitely cannot take another blow.

Alex, being evil, was going to finish of Seng with a knock-knock joke, but just as he recited the infamous quote, "knock-knock", Ivan sacrificed himself and answered "who's there?". Alex answered "I AM! HAHAHAHAH" and Ivan blew up into pieces.....okla he was still in 1 piece but was badly hurt. With all hopes lost, Seng thought he is a goner for sure. But just at the last second, Mr. Lai, together with the 2 daughters of eve and his allies came to the rescue just in time. But Alex is still very strong, too strong for even all the lecturers combined powers. With 5 minutes of Alex's crazy crapping, they were all paralysed from the painful injuries.

Now with nothing standing between Alex's new phone and Seng's heart, Alex is gonna deliver the final blow. Seng, with much regret, because there's still so much in life that he haven't do, places he haven't been, food he haven't tasted, and not to mention haven't had a girlfriend before, he is refusing to die that easily. And so he tried to fight lame with lamer with Alex. But even Seng can last so long. Half hour and they were both greatly injured. But Alex still has his K550i, and Seng's Nokia Xpress Musix 5300 was too outdated and lousy to fight his new phone. He has now given up all hopes because there is no possible way that he can survive any longer.

However, appearing from the AC cyber, yes, it was hope for our hero. It is Joshua Pui, the animal trainer, and his most powerful creature, the MUNSTER! Alex startled abit, but his frightful face quickly turned into a smile, an evil smile. He releases his very powerful but VERY lame creature, Aareena, warrior princess. After a very intense battle, MUNSTER and Joshua was only able to draw with Aareena. Now there is really, REALLY nobody who can help poor Seng.

With a quick and powerful jab, Alex ended Seng's life. Seng survived but Alex died. WHAT? Why did Alex die? Well here's the story. Because at the most final vital moment, Alex LOST HIS PHONE! And Seng quickly sees the opportunity and stab him back with his nokia phone. Despite being such an old and outdated phone, due to Alex's battle injuries, he wasn't able to take the damage. Alex finally died. YES! The 2 sons of adam and 2 daughters of eve have done it! They slain Alex, the King of Lame. After that everybody in PE4 went to Noodle Station for some nice noodle(cuz AC was destroyed).

And that is how, Alex, lost his 4 phones in 1 year. Not to mention how lame he is too XD.